This week has been really rough with Garner. He is having a really hard time keeping his hands to himself… at home and at school. I have been trying really hard to parent in a loving, less negative way. I read a book recently that pointed out that children get a lot of attention when they are doing the wrong thing, usually negative. Yet, if children are doing the right thing and acting appropriately, we don’t always acknowledge that. So when we are disciplining, lecturing, or yelling at them for those inappropriate things(what we feel is teaching them)… we are in fact doing the opposite. If doing naughty things is what gets our attention, by nature they are going to continue to do those things. So the point of the book is to continually praise them for the good things they are doing, and give less attention to the negative things. My words, in addition to this are… It doesn’t mean that we lower expectations, we just adjust what gets most of our energy.
This has worked well for us to some extent, but Garner seems to be testing a little harder this week. Sadly, I have had a hard time finding the good things to praise. I hate those days!! It makes me sad… for him, for me, for our whole family. It affects all of us. It’s exhausting! It makes me question my parenting… what am I doing wrong, or not doing?!? Where is he learning to do this?!? We don’t allow our children to watch ANYTHING that would encourage this behavior, and I don’t let them play rough unless it’s wrestling with their Daddy. I know that little boys are more physical and lack self-control. But that doesn’t seem to make me feel any better.
So, against my motto of “not rewarding expected behavior”, we are going to try a sticker chart. We decided Baylee could use one too… for her sassiness! The weeks will go Friday to Thursday. If they earn their goal amount of stickers for the week, Friday they will get to do or receive something special. Fingers crossed that this will give a little incentive to make better choices in the actions and/or tone. And like establishing a routine, hopefully after so much time it won’t take any effort to continue making those better choices.
Here are the charts!! It was a great excuse for me to do a little crafting!!!
The week days are halved, because he has an opportunity to earn a sticker at school and at home.
(Products used were from October Afternoon, Echo Park and Creative Memories)
(Products used were from Becky Higgins, Echo Park, Simple Stories and Creative Memories.)
We’re hoping that we don’t have to add another calendar page to these… that five weeks will be enough. Fingers crossed!! If anyone has any helpful tips that has worked with your children, I would love to hear!!